No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture
 unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the
 conversation."                         -Fran Lebowitz

 The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his
 tail instead of his tongue."              -Anonymous

 "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence
 that you are wonderful."                  -Ann Landers

 "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to
 go where they went."                      -Will Rogers

 "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking
 your face."                              -Ben Williams

 "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than
 he loves himself."                      -Josh Billings

 "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
                                       -Andrew A.Rooney

 "We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love
 we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the
 best deal man has ever made."                -M.Facklam

 "Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike
 people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix
 love and hate."                         -Sigmund Freud

 "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain
 dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
                                            -James Thurber

 "I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in
 his waterbowl."                         -Penny Ward Moser

 "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around
 three times before lying down."           -Robert Benchley

 "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird
 religious cult."                           -Rita Rudner

 "Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of
 current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing
 all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are
 especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard."
                                               -Dave Barry

 "Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed
 a dog."                             -Franklin P. Jones

 "If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise."
                                         -Unknown

 "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to
 $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money."
                                         - Joe Weinstein

 "Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend;
 inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
                                      -Groucho Marx

 "Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we
 come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul
 -- chicken, pork, half a cow.They must think we're the
 greatest hunters on earth!"             -Anne Tyler

 "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs
 should relax and get used to the idea."
                                 -Robert A. Heinlein